I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for six months but we’ve only just recently started having sex. But he keeps asking me to do things I’m not comfortable doing; he’s asked me to dress up and wants me to do positions that hurt. He’s only really interested in satisfying himself and pays little attention to my needs. I’m beginning to feel used and taken advantage of and no longer want to have go near him physically, although I still love him. What can I do?

How is your boyfriend treating you outside of your sex life? Hearing about his bedroom etiquette, I doubt he’ll be scoring highly on the Boyfriend of the Year scales. The question you need to answer is a tough one (and one that may need a fair amount of soul searching): Just exactly why are you with someone who clearly doesn’t respect you as a woman? You say you love him but precisely which qualities are you referring to? That he’s a selfish lover? That he pressures you into having painful sex? That with his lack of consideration, it seems you could be replaced with a blow up doll? From what you say, your relationship sounds both physically and emotionally abusive. Whilst I do not know many details, what I’m convinced of, is that you’re not loving the person you should be. Yourself. And that’s precisely where you need to focus your attention. When you decide you’re worthy of being treated decently, I’d bet my last dollar you’ll meet someone who will. I’ve counselled so many women just like you who, for various reasons from when they were small, end up in relationships where they ‘love too much’ in the present. As much as I appreciate how hard it is to walk away from a dodgy relationship, it will be worth the short-term headache. Good sex, like a decent relationship is made up of fun, respect and compromise. Remember these are your right. Believe this and you’ll see how you’ll become attracted to a different sort of man. The decent kind.

Just recently we’ve seen Reese Witherspoon sitting next to her ex, Ryan Philippe at their son’s soccer game. Then there was Charlie Sheen, seen walking and smiling alongside his ex, Denise Richards. Many celebrity exes are on friendly terms, seemingly integrating their past into their present lives with ease.

So Why Are Celebrities Friends With Their Exes?

Celebrities are bound by certain rules. Even when children aren’t involved, many will feel ‘forced’ to remain friends with exes. Hollywood is a small town. They run into each other at public events; many share the same management; and will even be up for the same movies (think Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake in Bad Teacher – and if you’ve seen that film it’s probably a decision they both regret). Then there’s the rather huge issue of the paparazzi capturing their every move.

For the sake of their public image, celebrities need to be seen to be pleasant with each other. It makes good (business) sense. But what about non-celebrities…should you really be friends with an ex? Or is it better to leave the past where it belongs?

Here Are My Tips To Help You Decide Whether And How To Stay Friends With An Ex.

1. Ask yourself why you want to be friends. Whether or not you stay friends with an ex really depends on key factors in the relationship, like how serious the relationship was, and the reason for the split (for example, if a third party was involved or if the relationship simply ran its course). Bare this in mind when you ask yourself why you want to be friends? If it’s an attempt to hold on to a love lost, then it’s best not to delude yourself thinking that being ‘friends’ will make the break easier: it won’t. Don’t be ‘friends’ simply to ease the pain of the breakup. It will only prolong it.

2. If you decide to be friends, take ‘Time Out’ to give each other space to end the old relationship and start a new one – as friends. This will usually be anywhere from 3 months to a year, depending on the depth and length of your relationship.

3. If children are involved, like in Reese and Charlie’s splits, then of course you need to make a big effort. The prefect examples are Bruce Willis and Demi Moore who serve as great role models of staying friends with an ex. They put aside their differences in order to come together and provide solid parenting.

4. And if you’re still in love with them, then, no matter what you think, you are not ready to be friends yet. You might never be.  And that’s ok. Make sure you’re honest with yourself about this, so you can leave the relationship in the past in order to move forward in your life.

5. Whatever you decide, try and see the relationship for what it was. Remember the good in it, or at least what you’ve learned about yourself from it. My take is that if you can end love well, you’ll be able to do begin new love well too!