Help. My Boyfriend Makes Me Have Painful Sex.

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for six months but we’ve only just recently started having sex. But he keeps asking me to do things I’m not comfortable doing; he’s asked me to dress up and wants me to do positions that hurt. He’s only really interested in satisfying himself and pays little attention to my needs. I’m beginning to feel used and taken advantage of and no longer want to have go near him physically, although I still love him. What can I do?

How is your boyfriend treating you outside of your sex life? Hearing about his bedroom etiquette, I doubt he’ll be scoring highly on the Boyfriend of the Year scales. The question you need to answer is a tough one (and one that may need a fair amount of soul searching): Just exactly why are you with someone who clearly doesn’t respect you as a woman? You say you love him but precisely which qualities are you referring to? That he’s a selfish lover? That he pressures you into having painful sex? That with his lack of consideration, it seems you could be replaced with a blow up doll? From what you say, your relationship sounds both physically and emotionally abusive. Whilst I do not know many details, what I’m convinced of, is that you’re not loving the person you should be. Yourself. And that’s precisely where you need to focus your attention. When you decide you’re worthy of being treated decently, I’d bet my last dollar you’ll meet someone who will. I’ve counselled so many women just like you who, for various reasons from when they were small, end up in relationships where they ‘love too much’ in the present. As much as I appreciate how hard it is to walk away from a dodgy relationship, it will be worth the short-term headache. Good sex, like a decent relationship is made up of fun, respect and compromise. Remember these are your right. Believe this and you’ll see how you’ll become attracted to a different sort of man. The decent kind.